Huge Elephant dies suddenly. We don’t know why but we know it wasn’t *that*

By The Babylon Bee.

Experts Say They Don’t Know What Thing Is Causing Everyone To Suddenly Collapse, But It’s Definitely Not That One Thing.

“It’s too early to say what could be causing this, but it’s never too early to say what isn’t causing this,” said local expert, Dr. Scott Rufflinger. “This could be caused by anything. But the one thing we know for certain is that it’s definitely not what we’re all thinking that’s behind this — if you know what I mean. We can go ahead and rule that thing out right now because Science just called us on the phone and told us not to discuss it. We always follow Science.”

According to sources, experts have been working tirelessly around the clock to try and get to the bottom of why so many seemingly perfectly healthy, athletic people are falling over suddenly.

“I wish I could point to something in the past year or two that large groups of people were exposed to, or forced into, but nothing comes to mind,” added Dr. Rufflinger. “If only there was one thing all these patients had in common.”

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If only it was all a joke

The studies

• Blockbuster paper: Covid vaccines may not improve your chances of staying alive at all even in a pandemic.
• The new killer called “Unknown Causes”.
• People in their 30s and 40s more likely to die in the prime of their lives, and no one knows why.
• Excess deaths rise in Germany too, peaking in the same months medical experiments peak.
• 10,000 mysterious excess deaths in Australia that no one wants to talk about.

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